Leland's Playground
by DynamicUrkel
Summary: After a huge sum of money was donated by Bruce Wayne, Dr. Bartholomew thought up a very...strange way to spend the funds. Now the inmates are on an adventure to get the heck out of Arkham,and back onto the streets of gotham for revenge on the Mayor. They'll meet up with old friends? and foes *cough* *cough* Batman. Sequel to "Night of the Raptor." R&R Warning: Contains Blood
1. A Gosh Darn Playground

There was loud buzzing noise followed by the familiar voice of Dr. Bartholomew bursting over the intercom. "ATTENTION ARKHAM INMATES! PLEASE MAKE YOUR WAY TO THE OUTSIDE COURTYARD IN AN ORDERLY FASHION!"

Scarface looked up at Ventriloquist as they were leaving their cell. "Whattdaya' think he wants this time?"

"Maybe it's just another announcement?"

"Out in the flippin' courtyard Dummy?!"

"I-I'm sorry, "

"Hurray up Arnold!" A guard pushed him along into the line of inmates leaving the building.

Arriving in the courtyard, the inmates looked up to see…a frickin' playground, with swings and slides and all that shit.

"What…the actual f***…is this…" Two-Face stood, a mix of disgust and shock on his face…well faces.

"Good morning everybody." Dr. Bartholomew turned the corner, a gentle smile on his face. "Since we've gotten so much donation from Bruce Wayne-"

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! BRUCE WAYNE!" The crowd cheered.

"AHEM! Since he donated so much money we have to spend it all because the mayor said if we don't, it would be a waste... I don't know what the mayor was thinking… so now let me show you, to the new playground!"

There was silence…off in the back of the crowd there was a faint cough, followed by another long pause, before the doctor spoke up again.

"We got this thing because it's good with therapy? And you need to exercise more." Dr. Bartholomew gestured to the less fit inmates, aka Jonathan.

The inmates paused and started walking over to the playground.

"I DIBS THE SWINGS!" Jervis pushed through the crowd, jumping up onto the swing seat.

"I DIBS THE SLIDE!" Harley ran, belly flopping on the end of the slide.

"ROCKS!" Croc threw the others out of his way, sprinting to a pile of rocks.

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger. "(Sigh)…Remember when we used to have goals?"

"Yeah…Basketball goals" Poison Ivy glanced over at the spot where the basketball goals used to stand. It had almost been a whole week since the Joker escaped; it was one warm summer's day when the he had climbed up the goal, sat in the basket-net, and had it blast into the air like a rocket with the Joker's theme music playing in the background. DunananaNananaNana. Sort of like his escape with the Christmas tree.

"Yeah" Edward let out an exasperated sigh.

"Well who cares." Jonathan walked past the two. "The Scarecrow is certainty not going to play on any sort of playground, EVER!" He opened the door to the building, unfortunately for him, there stood a guard with a tranquilizer gun.

"Go back outside to play Mr. Crane."

"YOU!" He pointed an accusatory finger at guard's face. "You don't know who your dealing with! I am the Scarecrow! The god of fear!"

"Mr. Crane we've been over this a thousand times-"

"HROO HRAA! FEAR ME!" He hopped from leg to leg twiddling his fingers in the air.

The guard, fed up with this, aimed and readied his gun.

"FINE! You don't have to tell me twice." Jonathan flipped his hair and turned back strutting away.

"I don't get paid enough for this" the guard quietly said to himself, watching 'the god of fear' saunter back to the playground.

"GOSH! I can't believe they're forcing us to play on a stupid playground!" Jon leaned up against the swing set complaining to Jervis.

"Aw c'mon, they're not _forcing_ us."

At that very same moment, the Riddler was hiding underneath of the slide trying to stay in the shade.

"Edward." Dr. Bartholomew lowered his sunglasses. "Shouldn't you be playing with your friends, and not just sitting alone in the shade?"

"Sir, it's about ninety degrees out here; Victor melted again."

"Well are you going to melt?"

"No, but it's rather hot outside."

"Are you melting?"

"No…"

"See? Why don't you just go off and use the monkey bars?"

Eddy sighed and lifted himself up.

"You know I'm only doing what's best for you."

"Yeah? And you spent a good 68 thousand, at least, on a playground?" The Riddler gestured around him.

"You don't understand…it was mostly the mayor's decision…" Bartholomew gazed at the sky as we drift in to a flashback.

(A couple weeks ago, right after the Joker had escaped.)

The mayor sat in his office, where he would usually sat seeing as it was his office. Dr. Bartholomew was told to have a meeting with him, and so the mayor sat staring at the door waiting for Bartholomew to get there. The door slowly creaked open.

The mayor straitened his tie. "Bart, why don't you take a seat?"

"Yes sir, of course." He sat down in the chair across from the desk.

"Now Bart, I've heard about the donations to the asylum, courtesy Bruce Wayne."

"Yes?"

"Well Bruce Wayne is a very important man."

"And?"

" And it would be awful if you were letting his generous donations go to waste."

"No sir! We would never think about doing that!"

"Yes, but what are you actually using the money for?"

"Well first of all we put the inmates back in their own cells instead of two per cell; back then we couldn't afford the extra plumbing, electricity, heat, and other such things in a one-person cell."

"Secondly?"

"Secondly we got better clothes, food and medicine for the inmates."

"Thirdly?"

"Thirdly…" He paused awardly, "…We don't know what to do…Bruce Wayne gave us a little too much money…"

"See? This is why I called you here today. If you don't actually use the funds Bruce Wayne gives you, then I don't see a reason why the city should still have to pay such a large salary for the place."

"It's just a large donation sir, it's not like we're wasting tax money."

"But if you're wasting donations, then wouldn't you technically waste the money the city gives to you?"

"Uh..."

"Your wasting money Bart, and not just any money, Bruce Wayne's money."

"BUT WE DIDN'T WASTE IT!" He leaped up from his seat.

"Then what did you spend it on?"

"A playground!"

"A playground?" The mayor tilted his head slightly to the side.

"Yeah…Since the Joker took the basketball goals, the poor inmates really have nothing to do outside, and a playground would be the best thing to help them have fun and exercise."

"A playground for mentally disturbed adults?"

"Yep."

"Hmmm…I LIKE IT!" The mayor stood up and came over shaking the doctor's hand. "You're a genius doctor!"

"I certainly am!"

(Back to the present.)

"Oh don't you mind what we spend the money on Edward."

"Fine I won't, but I am _not_ going to play on the monkey bars…I'd much rather play on the swings, but as you can see Jervis has already taken that away from me."

"It's not like I can just give it to you, you'll need to just ask him politely."

"Politely?! He put a mind control devise on me and made me clean his shoes, hat, toothbrush-"

"Now Edward, you do know that's just the way Jervis makes friends." Bartholomew's voice was very calm, but it was that sort of annoying calm. "He's still mentally six years old you know?"

"Mentally SIX!" Eddie was about to continue, but was interrupted by an abrupt cough heard in the background.

"EDDIE BOO!" Jervis waved his hand in the air. "I HOPE YOU WOULDN'T MIND THAT I SLIPPED ANOTHER MIND CONTROL CHIP ON YOU!"

Edward stood in shock while the doctor laughed. "Ahahah, that's Jervis for ya; always kidding around."

Once Bartholomew glanced away Jervis gave Edward a very sinister grin and returned talking to Jonathan. "Ok Jon, so what was that escape plan you mentioned?"


	2. Escape Plan Phase 1

Jonathan then took a deep breath and gave Jervis a very serious look. "Jervis…today I will die."

Jervis stared off continuing to swing back and forth. "Curiouser and curiouser."

"LISTEN! I will go over to where Lyle is-"

**(What you didn't know Bolton was around? Yeah, he's in the corner tossing a football, minding his own business.)** "I'll go over where Lyles is, and I will sacrifice my life to get to the medical ward." Jonathan exclaimed in a hushed voice.

"What part of that sounds like a good idea, my friend?" Jervis tilted his head to the side questionably.

"Once I get there, I'll knock out the guards with a glass pitcher, or something, and then sneak through the air vents, out the front gate."

"Wouldn't you be in restraints?"

"(Sigh)…not with my arms torn off…" Jon flipped back towards the direction Bolton was, and then slowly stepped closer and closer.

Lyle glanced to his side and noticed the skinnier man coming towards him. "Hey! I left you alone the past fifteen minutes, you better not start some trouble!"

Scarecrow swallowed hard, gathering enough courage to speak up. "Y-y…"

"Yeah? You got somethin' to say, punk?"

"Y-your mother eats used socks!"

A guard at the entrance gasped loudly and every inmate and employee stood in awe and shock. Wow! Either Jonathan was being really brave, or being really stupid.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY MOM!" Bolton spat between grinding his teeth, looking as if he was ready to punch Scarecrow's lights out.

"You heard me!" Stepping closer. "Your-mom-eats-SOCKS!" He flipped the football Bolton was holding out of his hands. "_Used_ ones!"

Lyle snapped. The world went silent, then what was heard, was the raging screams coming from the former security guard. Jonathan fell back a few feet, almost ready to run and hide, but was grabbed by the torso and arm.

"BOLTON NO!" Bartholomew yelled out.

"I'LL SHOW YOU!" Bolton ripped Jonathan's arm clean off. "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! JUSTICE!"

The other guards around the court tackled Bolton and tried stopping him from tearing off any more limbs. Bartholomew ran over to the now screaming professor Crane and tried stopping the blood from pouring out everywhere. The inmates on the other hand, stood in complete horror, frozen in fear. Edward scratched his chin in confusion, Poison Ivy stood there with her jaw hanging wide open, Harley quickly looked away, the Mad Hatter fell backwards off his swing in terror, Two-Face covered one of his eyes, and Croc stayed where he was in the rock pile…just minding his own business.

"GET HIM TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM! WE'RE NOT LOSING HIM!" Bartholomew continued cradling Jonathan in his arms. "It's gonna be alright!"

Jonathan barely muttering under his breath. "...This…isn't…helping…"

Soon the nurses came running out, immediately rushing him to the medical ward as the guards carried Bolton back inside.

It was silent…

No noise at all.

Harley was still turned away while Ivy tried comforting her. Edward was about to make a sassy remark, but then got lost in what words to say… Jervis lifted himself back up, fixed his hat, and ran over to the giant blood spot on the floor to examine it.

"Ok guys, you should be heading back to your cells now." Dr. Bartholomew instructed the group wiping the sweat from his brow.

They looked un-easy and followed the doctor back inside the building.


	3. Escape Plan Phase 2

"You know? I'm getting pretty sick and tired of that gosh darn playground!" The Riddler remained in the line of inmates trailing down the hallway. "I mean, we're grown adults; who does that Bartholomew think he is?"

Two-Face flipped his coin in the air, caught it, looked at it, and turned towards Edward. "My feelings exactly."

"Not to mention it's almost a hundred degrees outside!" Harley complained. "Slides get really hot when thuh suns been beatin' down on them all day."

Jervis dusted the top of his hat off. "We'll probably have to go on it tomorrow once they clean Johnny up!"

"Wait? Your against the playground?" They all asked in unison.

"Of course I am! I'm not mentally six years old!"

Croc pushed Hatter out of the way to get a word in. "Who cares? Isn't Leland coming back from her visit to that one place, today?"

Eddie sighed heavily. "No Croc! She's coming back next week!"

"Oh."

Poison Ivy_ budded_ in getting the inmate's attention. "Do you know what I just noticed?"

Edward's eyes lit up. "AHA!"

The others turned and gave him a mix of a very questioned and a very confused look.

"Well…" He chuckled. "It's pretty obvious what Pamela's talking about, but I'll have you guys figure it out on your own."

"Ooooookaaaayyy…" She continued. "Well since half the hospital is trying to take Bolton down and reattach Scarecrow's arm, I think it might be the perfect time to escape…as a TEAM. The only thing we need to do is distract the guards and Bart."

Harvey flipped his coin and paused. "Good idea! We'll get Bart and you can kiss the guards with that weird poison stuff on your lips."

"Wait? Why do I have to get all the guards? Shouldn't all five of you do that and I kiss Bartholomew…wouldn't it be a heck of a lot easier?"

"Hey! There's six of us 'ere!" Scarface flailed his puppet arms in the air.

"Six…Yes…" She glared.

"You can take Harley with you, Ivy. Trust me, it WILL be easier to take them down the way kind-old-lil-Harv elaborated for us." Edward stroked his chin.

"Are you sure Edward?" She asked suspiciously. What were they planning?

"I'm positive."

"Fine! C'mon Harley, let's go take down the guards."

"YAY! We're gonna escape and meet Mistah Jay on the outside!" She bounced along.

"So…how are we gonna take care of Barty over there?" Croc threw his small rock pile to the side.

"I got it." Jervis made his way through the group and tugged on the side of Bartholomew's lab coat.

"Yes Jervis?"

"Um…" He looked up with his huge blue eyes shimmering in the hallway light. "Where…where do babies come from?"

"Uhhhhhhhhh…" Bartholomew stared off; he had no idea how to answer that question. "Well you see Jervis…well…uh…when…um…"

"C'mon guys, lets go." He instructed the group. "He'll be trying to think of an answer to that question for the next two hours."

"Or….we could've just…punched him." Croc mumbled.

The doctor continued pausing and stuttering while the rest of the guys started tiptoeing away. They snuck around the corner and soon, were running full speed down the hallway. When coming to the possessions closet, everyone but Edward agreed that he would be the one to sneak inside and retrieve their old costumes. After a few arguments Edward agreed, snuck down the hall, and picked the lock. He came stumbling back down the hallway, arms filled with various costumes.

When they finally retrieved their outfits, a sigh of relief was let out amongst the six of them. "Good old coat-WHAT THE HECK!" Jervis flipped his outfit away from him, letting it hit the floor.

"What is it?" Harvey bent down and picked it up. Rustling threw the jacket; he found a green hat that was made to look like a Velociraptor head. "That son of bitch…he must've left this behind when he escaped." He handed the coat to Jervis and put the hat in the hatter's pocket instead of leaving it on the floor.

"What are you doing, don't put it in my jacket again! I swear that's the only hat in the entire world I do _not_ want!" He glanced over to the side, something catching his eye.

"We'd better get going before Bart snaps out of it." The Riddler hurried them along out the front door. "From what I've observed, we could take an ambulance back to Gotham without any suspicion." Eddie made hand gestures to elaborate their escape plan, "Are we clear?" Jervis grabbed what he was looking at in the room and hurried back to the huddle, "I'm good."

"Alright then, let's hea-"

"Wait" Croc had his same old dumb expression plastered on his face. "What'll we do in Gotham?"

"We'll get the mayor!" Edward exclaimed.

"Why the heck would we get th' mayor!" Scarface asked.

"If you listened you'd know, Woodchips!"

"What'd ya call me?!"

"If _any_ of you paid _any _attention at _any_ point in your lives, then you'd know that the mayor obviously had something to do with the whole playground idea!"

If Edward had been paying any attention at this point in his life, he would have noticed the other four had already run down to the end of the hallway. When they came to the ambulance, Harvey broke open the window and Jervis ran in trying to re-wire the car.

Meanwhile…

"Did ya get all the guards?" Harley stood on top of a pile of security guards she knocked out a few minutes earlier.

Poison Ivy stepped out from the hallway looking around to see if she missed anyone. "Yeah, I think I did…"

"Well that's good, we'd better hurry to meet up with the guys though. They're probably waitin' for us."

"They'd better be." Suddenly sirens could be heard outside. She grabbed Harley's hand and sprinted down the hall, passed Bartholomew, and busted out the door. For a moment she stared in shock, before an expression of utter disdain and rage.

The six Arkham inmates had already driven the ambulance through the front gates and were already down the road. Those sons of bitches.

Hanged out of the window, Riddler waved shouting, "What is not allowed in an awesome party? The answer is a you two!"

"HAHAH! See you later alligator!" Croc yelled out.

Two-Face also waved back with an evil grin. "Sorry ladies, coin landed on the other side!"

Harley looked as if she was on the verge of tears while Ivy, obviously irritated, muttered under her breath. "I hate men."

Laughter bustled from the ambulance as it drove over the hill and out of sight.


	4. Welcome Back, Doctor

A car pulled in to the hospital parking lot, transporting a very laid back Dr. Leland. She opened the back door with her keycard and entered.

"Well hello doctor." Bartholomew walked up giving her a well-deserved handshake.

"Hello to you too…" She glanced around letting go of the man's hand. "It's awfully…quiet isn't it?"

"Nothing to worry about. The inmates are just outside playing on the playground."

"Playground?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, we used the leftover funding to buy a playground for the inmates."

"Bart…" The doctor sighed heavily while rubbing her forehead. "What part of that seemed like a good idea?"

"The fact that we didn't have anything else to spend the money on, and were receiving a lot of mayoral pressure to put it to something. I had to make a decision in your absence, what better than a new recreational facility for our inmates? "

"You could've bought better security." Her tone soon became very agitated.

"Oh we don't need better security, we've already got the best in the world."

Leland peeked over his shoulder and saw the two guards in the background laughing at bad puns and picking their noses. "Yeah Bart…best in the world…"

"C'mon Joan, you just came back from your important visit to Black gate, you need to rest up."

"Bart…go check the playground."

"Why?"

"I want to know for a fact if they're there or not."

"Very well, if you keep insisting." He slowly stepped closer to the window overlooking the outside court. "Like I told you they're-" He paused and became completely lost in what words to say. He slowly made his way back to Dr. Leland. "Y-You're right…they're not there. BUT…I know they're probably in their cells!"

"Yeah..." She pushed through him and examined the outside herself. "…What's that?" She pointed down at the reddish-brownish splotch on the cement.

"Oh that? That's where Mr. Crane got his arm torn off by Bolton."

"WHAT?!"

"D-don't worry, we took care of it."

"NO! It's just- you put Lyle outside with the other inmates! You can't do that!"

"Well I thought he should get outside with other people more…you know…make friends?"

Leland face palmed. "Bartholomew!"

"I stand for what I did."

"Jonathan got his arm torn off!"

"…"

"(SIGH!) Where's Bolton now?"

"In his cell, that's why most of the guards aren't around here; they're still trying to settle him down."

"And Crane?"

"He's in the medical ward, don't worry."

"Are you SURE?"

"I'm positive."

Right in the middle of their conversation, a panicked nurse came crashing through the hallway covered in blood and sweat. "DOCTORS!"

"What is it?!"

"Crane he- (GASP!) (GASP!) Es-escaped!" Rubbing the sweat off his forehead.

"WHAT, HOW?"

"He-he knocked out the other doctors with a beaker, after they re-attached his arm, and then he escaped through the vents!"

"Quick!" Bartholomew instructed. "Shut this place down and make sure all the inmates are in their cells!"

"That's the other thing sir!" He stopped and grabbed his breath. "They're all gone and the rest of the security is knocked out with lil kissy marks on their lips!"

"Pamela." Leland sighed.

"Me and those two guards over there are the only people left!"

Joan glared at the man next to her "Bart…You _will_ bring back those inmates, and you _will _destroy that playground when you get back."

"Yes ma'am." He turned away and walked back to his office, sulking. "I'll go call the police…"

"And you three!" Turning towards the nurse and the guards. "Make sure you check every nook and cranny to make sure nobody's hiding!"

"Yes Doctor."

She glared, and then went back to her office. "Why'd I leave for a whole week?" Opening the door, she soon discovered Pamela and Harley both sitting on the couch and the desk.

"Good aft-ah noon Doctor Leland." Harley waved with a huge smile on her face.

"What are you two doing in my office?!"

"Well we were gonna escape with the guys-"

"HARLEY!" Ivy snapped.

"Whoops! Sorry."

"So…you two got abandoned?"

"Ivy?"

"UGH!" Pamela rolled her eyes. "Yes we were abandoned!"

"By who?"

"Who?" She began counting off her fingers. "Two-Face, Dickler, Hatter, Arnold, Croc! All of them! Men are such jerks!"

"Yeah…I could relate to you in a way." Leland walked over to her desk, tapped Harley away from it, and sat down. "Men are really something aren't they…", She got out an orange juice from her desk and drank it like it was liquor.


End file.
